Madness..... THIS IS SWANSON!!!!!

Hi, I’m John. In America! I’m very patriotic. In America!! I just happen to be in middle school. In America! And you can guess that means: Tests, homework, teachers, lunch, and surviving to tell the tale. In America!

It’s a hard knock life.

In America!



SOL week

Maybe you’ve been through this. Well, if you’ve been in Virginia long enough to undergo this horrible, horrible, punishment, I’m sure you can say, “I need a medal. For I was deprived of water, sanity and bathroom breaks for 2 hours strait,” the SOLs are hell on earth. Well, anyway. SOL week isn’t totally the worst thing that could happen… except for the pressure that the teachers try not to put on you but by so doing put much more on you, the depressing poetry and the social insanity that we all have to face. (Bullies being extra mean, teachers being extra “up in your face” about homework assignments, that sort of thing…) But if you ignore all the more prominent reasons to hate SOL week and look at the brighter side (which has always been on a scale of 1:1000) you might find that lunch has been switched from after fifth mod to after fourth mod, (In the small world called Arlington Public Schools this is considered one of the highlights of the year which says something!) There is less homework, and you usually get to skip the classes you hate that are right before lunch so you can test your endurance against the mighty and formidable tests we’ve all come to hate and dread. You know it. SOLs and it really doesn’t help that your sister is at home watching reruns of Reba, the Office and House while you are slaving away under the dull, florescent tubes of the school.

(In America)


Social Studies

English

Art

PE

Spanish

Lunch

Math

Life Science



Let’s see. Where to begin? Let’s try first mod.












Social Studies



There is always something to learn in SS and if you get my drift, that isn’t always a nice thing to say to someone. There is always a lot of homework in SS but lucky us it’s generally not that hard. I love Mrs. Hix’s teaching style. I really do. She has funny movie references and red bombs that explode while still in the classroom. But there are times when you just think, can I just have another copy of the EU without a lecture on the environment? I know that I lost it and I don’t feel too proud of it either but you don’t see me cutting down trees to burn in a forest or starting forest fires do you?

Anyway, the annoying thing I often find occurring is that I get mixed signals.

“You forgot something in your notebook so it counts as a zero and it’s really bringing your grade down.”

As to:

“You have an A in class and you’re doing extremely well.”



What do you want, Mrs. Hix! Tell me what you want! I do all my homework I try to be a good student but then when I do something wrong, just a little tiny thing, you have to go and announce it to the entire world! GAH!



AND ANOTHER THING!



And the truth comes out



One day while we were in Social Studies class, Mrs. Hix decided that it would be appropriate to talk about how teachers like snow days more than kids. Her story was rather hard to believe but hey, it’s Mrs. Hix. What do you expect? I had better get back to watching Lara Croft. Imagine that. A movie about time. A movie about time while ranting about a class about time…. Hmm. This is how you I have way too much time on my hands. OOHH! More soda!-------

(In America)


English



This is the class that has a big banner with POETRY MONTH printed all over it that we are all supposed to salute. I’m not big on poetry. Like many before me I get stuck in the process of writing it in the middle of the poem and I think. Oh my! I’m stuck in a moment that I can’t get out of. These moments generally lead to failure and so on. The worst part of poetry month is having to write a poem that you, your parents and your reluctant sister like but when you go to school you read poetry by other people that you think is kind of inferior and think it, you feel really smart, but when you get up and read your poem and you have that proud look on your face that shows that you did what you did and your aren’t sorry that you did, you can tell that every single person in the class (Including Mr. Rabach) thinks is the strangest, most alien thing they’ve ever heard. Not a fun experience.

Also, Mr. Rabach has a tendency of repeating what he’s said. This, my dear friends also, unfortunately includes jokes. I know what you’re thinking: “Here comes the punch-line, something, funny….”
And that’s what all his mods eventually have to cope with. The fact that he never runs out of jokes; (However horrid) which in my opinion is kind of creepy. The fact that he never has to stop talking and that he really believes that his jokes are funny and that his poetry holds more meaning that a toddler’s absent minded ramblings is really kind of sad. But back to the main topic of my main rant about repetition and jokes… I have seriously considered screaming: “IT WASN’T THAT FUNNY THE FIRST TIME YOU SAID IT, WHY THE HELL WOULD IT BE FUNNY THE NEXT TEN TIMES!?” Then stomping out of class to go back and write about it here… Don’t laugh. Even if I did do that. (In America…)




Art

(In America)



Before: “I could do that!”

During: “THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!”

After: “How could I have gotten an E!?”



The projects that seem easy at first turn out to be really hard and the projects that look hard are still harder than they look. What is it that makes art seem so easy but when you finish you look back and frankly say “That sucks.”? The thing I have deduced from my “encounters” was that no matter how hard you try you can’t “Get” good at art, you’re just born with a gift. I am not one of those people. 26 projects. Did any one of them go home? No. Recycling bin? Yeah. I don’t get horrible grades and I don’t get stellar grades. On a scale of hot to cold, I’m luke-warm. As I said: Not good and not bad.

The annoying thing that I often find occurring is that I do something that I don’t like but I was so foolish as to go ahead and make it a dark line. But on that same piece of paper there’s something I like that gets totally screwed up when I try to make a replica. Visualize I drew a good Frankenstein and I tried to copy it onto another piece of paper. I’d end up with the Grinch. See!? Art isn’t my favorite.

Now, please visualize once more that I’m in art class watching a video on some kind of group of artists. I’m almost certain that some of the people in there write on their hands. Nobody, NOBODY has that kind of memory. From the stupid girl who tells stupid jokes with supposedly good ways to remember the name of the artist, to the fact that the video is so dark it’s all the same picture with only sound to back it up. (Look at the pretty butterfly that none of you can see!) Stupid videos….

(In America)


PE



Lesson one:



Mr.Ptolski: forget your gym clothes and we will kill you. Touch anything and we will kill you, ask any questions and we will kill you.

Any questions?

Little Kid: What if you -- (Sound of neck snapping)

Jumping, battering, bombarding, siege, rivalry, and THINK FAST! All happen to be synonymous to the one word we Americans love to scream before attacking their best friend with a playground four-square rubber ball. Dodgeball. I might just kill whoever came up with that bloody- OOMMMPPHH!! See what I mean?

And laccrosse! I mean really! You can’t catch or throw something with practically a plastic mallet! I’ve tried so hard! I’ve tried catching and running and scooping and all that good stuff. Pop in, pop out. It was so infuriating that I found myself all worked up but then realized that it was PE and no one was grading anyone. What a nasty shock we received when we found out that we had to have really crappy equipment and really crappy grading systems! Yesterday all my troubles were so far away.

(IN AMERICA!)
Spanish



Finals are just plain scary. To pass the time and get really off topic some people enjoyed toying with the sound remote to see if Mrs. Mullet would notice. She did. Well… after a while. Then, spontaneously, Zack Biggs decided that he really didn’t like what we were listening to (the sounds of the rainforest) and told everyone in the crude manner of popularity.

And I quote. “This stuff makes me want to take a wiz.” Many other smaller voices chimed in as well as they always do. Typical. Biggs and his gang of gangbangers were at it again. To hell with the music, we want boring silence!

(In America)



Math



*Snore*



“John! Wake up!” (Herd the elephants.)



“*Sniff*. What? Who?”



“Could you please try to stay awake!? It’s problem twenty eight. What is the nineteenth step?” (Herd the elephants.)



*Blank look*



“Yeah, I’m just going to ask your archrival so he can smear it in your face later but for now, *Asks question and gets right answer* Correct! And there’s a homework pass for you!” (Herd the elephants.)



Why is it that every time he is giving out homework passes, it’s something everyone except me understands? Is it karma? Did I do something wrong? What did I do!? Onto tests… study hard, youngsters, the test that’s going to be harder than those in collage can do is just about to take place! And this one counts 1235% of your grade! So (As I always say…) If you screw this one up, it’s going to screw you up! (Herd the elephants.)

(In America)





















Science



I think I speak for most people that it’s hard to remember the way a jelly fish mates in a tank where there’s only one of the species! And what the hell is with playing the radio at random times in class!? At least in Art it’s a constant radio station… in Science she plays the radio for one project and makes her students keep absolute silence (No pencils, crayons, or even a keyboard’s rapid tapping.) You get sent to the office for breathing, murdered for asking to got to the bathroom when you’re about to explode, and drawn-and-quartered for asking for going to the water fountain in a nano-second when you’re clearly on the brink of death. *shudder*.

(In America)

sigh

Mr. Osborne, you have finally joined us

this is yet an akward moment

boy you must have had trouble reading all of the posts...

it's straight (in the first big paragraph) and actually they let you go to the bathroom, only it's with an escort

what's with herd the elephants in math. and it's college in math and you can't have 1325%

of a test (In the world)

we know all of these things are in america, but surely you exaggerate?

SOL's aren't that hard.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Oh and, Hi John.

We're sorry Craig posts too much

And, that he cheats.

Why did you choose that name?

How long did it take you to write this rant?

I wasn't talking about anything like college level I just made it up. It was totally irrelevent... And you need to be in Mr. Ingersoll's class to realize what I mean... JJ, were you in his class?

ok for maybe the first time in life and probably the only time, i agree with james quote="JustJames"]Why did you choose that name? [/quote]

oh and still... the only reason i knew who you were was when you said your name in your really long post

Well there were other teachers than Ingersoll that you ranted about.

Craig I agree with you that you're first name's Craig and your last name is Wanda

You agree with me that my first name is James and my last name is Hughes

we all agree with each other when I say that we did go to and will go to Swanson Middle School